If I had a life song, to this point I think it’d be “Never Enough” (from The Greatest Showman), because I can never do or achieve enough to satisfy myself. Whether it’s my weight on a scale, my pace for a run, how long I hold a handstand, my grades in a class, the “likes” I get on social media, the number of students in my yoga class, or any number of other things, I’m constantly measuring my worth and pushing myself to do better in order to approve of myself. Can anyone else relate?
In short, the person I’ve Loved the least well is MYSELF! Yet, now that my eyes have recently been opened to this shortfall, I’m taking steps to be kinder and more caring to myself. I wrote myself a letter, which I’m sharing with you, because I don’t think I’m alone in being less than wonderful to myself.
YOU are an incredible gift! It breaks my heart that you internalized the chaos of your youth, the disorientation of your first divorce, and the deep sense of loss and heartbreak from your second divorce. And, let’s not forget the profound feeling of lack from becoming disabled, losing your Air Force career, and nearly losing your life in the blink of an eye! It tears me up inside to realize how, from the beginning, society’s messages of what a “real man” looks like led you away from your sensitive soul, kind heart, quirky personality, and the strong feminine currents in your spirit; caging you inside our culture’s ideas of what a man’s supposed to act like, look like, and do, when we’re all born to be free!
While you are smart, fit, and good at teaching and writing, and your talents are to be celebrated, they do NOT define you. Truly, if all your talents were to disappear, Thanos style, with the snap of a finger, you’d be just as loveable and worthy of Love as you are now! Scores, times, and numbers have 0% to do with your worth, belonging, and belovedness. Those are irreversible blessings given from Above from birth!
I know it’s hard for you to not push, achieve, compare, and compete, and your drive is praiseworthy for sure, but might I suggest shifting your goals in that regard? Instead of approaching your doings as measuring sticks of yourself, do them for joy! Let any win, loss, improvement, or step back be beside the point when compared to the delight of the process, activity, creating, giving, experience, etc. Let the doing and giving be all the reward you need.
You are PERFECTLY made! Let me repeat that. YOU are perfectly made! You are a once in the history of EVER miracle, never seen before and never to be seen again … just like everyone else. The Master Artist crafted you from scratch as a masterpiece, and God doesn’t make mistakes! Think of how pure, unfiltered Love easily and endlessly flows through you for your wife, daughter, sister, parents, dear friends, and such because of how you see them. Multiply that by a million, and you’ll just begin to taste the adoration the Divine has for you. Practice regularly seeing yourself through the eyes of the Maker, Who needs no reason to Love you, but simply adores you for being!
There’s a hilarious scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall I think can help you see and Love yourself the way others do. While Paul Rudd’s character (Koonu) is teaching Jason Segel’s (Peter, who consistently over does things) how to surf, Koonu repeatedly instructs him to “do less” and “try less”. If I was your doctor, my prescription would be: Do Less. Try Less. NOT, necessarily literally, though regular literal pauses in life are super helpful, but more as a mental disposition wherein self-worth isn’t evaluated by achievements, but is received as a free and immeasurable birth day gift from heaven!
As I hold your story in my heart and smile at your drive and competitive spirit, it occurs to me, while these have led you away from Loving and being your True Self, first and foremost they have been blessings. Your determination and spirited nature were your innate and instinctive survival responses to the traumas, hurts, and losses in life that poured chaos, disorientation, a feeling of lack, a sense of loss, and heartbreak down on your soul like a monsoon. During your stormy seasons your desire to do better and need to measure kept you afloat and moving forward. That said, sweet boy, you’re out of the hurricanes now, so can loosen your grip on those flotation devices!
I say that because here’s the Truth about you. YOU are amazing, NOT because of anything you’ve done, but because that’s the way the Good Creator makes ALL us children! While there have been times when things felt crazy, life was off-balance, you were “told” you’re not enough, you lost people and things near and dear to you, and your heart ached so much you thought you’d die. The Truth is: peace, wholeness, enoughness, connection, and Love were NEVER things you needed to earn, they’ve always been with/in you as freely given gifts from the Beginning, no doing required! Tapping into them is like breathing.
I adore and think the world of you, and that will NEVER change. You’re a blessing and a gift, and it’s truly an honor to be you! I could not be more delighted.
All the Love,
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